Day 2

Today's Momentum Challenge is this: Publish a small manifesto.

Now, this word hold special meaning to my family history- and so I decided to look up the actual definition, which is as follows- Manifesto- a public declaration of policy and aims.

Hmmm. So this is something I make known to the world. Which, I yet again have a little bit of a different take on, but more about that later. It's not something I only think of every so often and yet doesn't ever quite come to enough light as to make a big difference.  This is me, publicly, out loud, where others can hear & know, saying what I'm striving for.

Then the challenge goes on to ask us to answer this question: 

What is my deepest reason for offering my gift?

Well remembering my gift from yesterday: 

"I want to leave behind a legacy of service and love. A life full of gospel living and righteousness."  

I would have to say the deepest reason for offering my gift, would have to be for my children.

You probably didn't know this, but my husband and I just celebrated our 4th anniversary, and like I've said countless times, to countless people 'We've never not tried to have kids'.  It just hasn't happened yet.  That is almost 1500 days of my life that have been spent with some level of heartbreak & longing for a dream that has yet to be fulfilled.

I have health problems, inherited ones, that play a definite role in preventing our getting pregnant.  It's only happened once, and those were the greatest 5 days of my life. Before my body was no longer able to handle the changes and decided to let my baby go. That was hard.  And it's taken me a long time to be able to get to the point where I stopped hating my body and feeling frustrated that I was 'broken'.
I come from an environment where family is a big thing.  Literally & figuratively.  I am the oldest of my mother's 11 children, and my husband comes from a similarly large family. It has been HARD to field all the questions from well-meaning friends and family members who, after the allotted period of time, expected us to start popping out babies.  Talk about a lot of awkward conversations and tears from thoughtless comments.

I am blessed to have a lot of 'adopted' children in my life.  The last 8 of my dad's kids, are 'mine' too, and my darling sister & brother-in-law have been SO amazingly gracious in letting me play a big role in their two daughters lives.  That helps.

I am on the road to recovery and finding a cure.  I had a breakthrough a few weeks ago that has got me feeling like I'm on the right track, and that there is tangible hope for the future, rather than the kind of hope that is so quiet and scared of being crushed, that you don't even dare to speak of it.

If I can get healthy, and learn enough about how to fix this generational weakness, that none of my daughters or granddaughters will ever have to go through the same heartbreak I've had, all my struggles will be worth even more.

I am doing this for my children.  Those ones who are yet to be born.  If I can live my life in a way that they will be PROUD to call me mother, that would mean the world.  To be able to be the kind of person who leads by example, rather than giving lip service to some great ideal that has never really been 'mine'.  I need to own this. In order to have the impact that I want on the world. 

Decide, THIS IS ME.  

And make it happen.

My youngest sister and I at the dinner after the funeral yesterday.  This is what I live for :)

Day 1

Whew!  It's been a bit.  But today is the beginning of the 21 Day Momentum Challenge, hosted by Jonathan and Dustin.  Christiane from ThreeRavens invited her friends (of which I am one lucky gal) to join her in this and I signed up.
Since the captureyour365 challenge is on hold right now (mostly because I just haven't even hit play yet)  I figured I could use the blog to document my journey on this particular venture.
And today's challenge is this: Imagine you'll die in a year, what is one gift you'd like to leave behind to the world when you're gone?

I have to admit.  I laughed and cried a little bit when I opened the email.  Mostly because, today I watched a family very dear to me bury their 13 year old daughter, sister, aunt, & friend.  So this whole dying thing, is very real to me right now.  And it kind of surprised me that instead of taking a business standpoint from the beginning, this challenge is going to look at ME.  Because my first thoughts are not about my business.  That is not the most important gift, or even on the list of my top 10.

My answer is this:  I want to leave behind a legacy of service and love.  A life full of gospel living and righteousness.
That is the gift I want to leave behind.

Which has nothing to do with how many sales I make in a month, how many projects I manage to finish spinning/crocheting/knitting, or even how often I promote my business.  It has to do with ME.
I often forget to take care of that person you know?  The one who needs to eat, think, and breathe, in this life.  It's pretty easy to neglect her on this pursuit through this crazy maze of the human existence.  Thanks for the reminder.

This picture, represents as best it can, things that go with my answer.  And yes, I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  I was blessed to be born to a family who knows the fullness of the gospel, and I have the opportunity and privilege to live my life in a manner that is most pleasing to my Heavenly Father.  That includes taking the principles found in the scriptures and applying them in my life, as well as living up to the covenants I've made between Him, myself, and my husband (thus the ring.)  Eternal promises between God and I, that will bring me the greatest blessings if I do my best to keep them.  That's why I'm here on this earth, that is why I am me, and what I desire the most.  Now to live my life in a manner that magnifies this goal of mine. To live a life full, that when I'm gone, those who are still here will remember the good that I've done.